WARNING: EXCESSIVE USE OF THE WORDS: SHIT, DAMN and FUCK

15 minutes ago, while watching 'House' i get a message on my cell.

Congratulations! last Oct.04,2005 7digits of ur cell# won P2M! PAMASKONG HANDOG NG BANKO SENTRAL. call now! Gov.AMANDO TETANGCO. dti-permit#4409 series of 2005

BULLSHIT!!

My heart squelches. My insides turn flip-flops. I don't get that lucky. It's a joke. A cruel one at that.

...really... bullshit...

but what if...

I show it to my mom. She just shrugs. "Kung totoo, hati tayo." And she laughs and goes back to watching TV.

I show it to my dad. He blinks at it a few times. "Kalokohan yan." And goes back to his nap.

Tama. Kalokohan lang yan. Common item sa local expose shows. I can see it in my head, a narrative styled in noir.

You get a text or mail saying you won money. You call up the number and they ask you to go to some office in the city. You get there, they invite you in, offer you a glass of water, ask you to sign some papers. You scribble your mark and look around expectantly, as if the money's going to pop out of thin air. Oops. Wait. One last detail. They tell you that you need to pay PXXX,000 for processing. Sirens go on in your head.

OUTCOME #1: You think PXXX,000 is a small price to pay for a cool mil, right? You fork over the cash. Or a check. They say the money will be wired to your account in two weeks. You go home feeling like the king of the world... Two weeks later you realize how much of a stupid shit you are. Don't even bother calling the authorities. The people who con'ed you are gone. And so is your money.

or... OUTCOME #2: You think that's a load of crap. You tell them so. In a dozen expletives. You get up off your chair. Two pairs of heavy hands push you back in. The door lock clicks. They spread out the contract you just signed. You look a little closer. Two seconds later you realize how much of a stupid shit you are. You didn't read the fine print. You signed over your cash for a prize that never existed... Oh but wait. There IS a prize now. If you give them your money, they'll let you LIVE.

A dozen other scenarios play through my head. Each one screaming SCAM! in dolby surround sound. Every instinct points out the fact that this is a cash trap. It's bullshit... BULLSHIT!

... but what if?!?

What if Dame Fortune suddenly saw it fit to hand me a solution to 90% of my problems. On a silver platter, no less. What if I ignore this... then discover later on that it was very much true.

Tell me: Bullshit?

- - - edit 11:38 pm - - -

I researched the damn thing. It took me 2 minutes on Google. I was right.

SMS syndicate victimizing OFWs

A syndicate making use of the short messaging system (SMS) or text messaging has been victimizing OFWs. The scam syndicate sends text messages to OFWs saying they have won as high as two million pesos in a raffle but in order to claim the cash prize, they have to deposit P100,000 to a certain bank account. Central Bank Governor Armando Tetangco, Jr. in a press conference said an increasing number of OFWs have been complaining about this scam. He said the syndicate has also been dropping the names of the Central Bank, the Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office, the Philippine Amusement and Gaming Corp and other institutions to lend credibility to the scam.

Fuck them. Fuck them three hundred and sixty-five ways from Sunday. Fuck them with a rusty jackhammer. Fuck them with umbrellas in each and every orifice of their body. Then open the umbrellas one by one.

For a few seconds I believed that I had hit the jackpot. For a few seconds I was king of the goddamn world. It felt good.

And now I realize how much of a stupid shit I was. Tangina, ang bobo ko. Even for just a few seconds. Stupid shit.

Text me at 09153283731 for details.

- - - - -

I drank too much coffee this morning.
Now anvils are ringing in my head.

- - - - -

Some time ago I introduced my friend to Picasa, a program by Google which archives your photos and also gives you minor editing tools. It can remove red-eye, increase contrast, convert to sepia, crop, rotate and so much more. She's in love with Picasa now, spends hours playing with the filters. She's getting pretty good.

She turned this badly lit picture from her phone cam...



Into this...



Of course, I still look like a mugger but at least you can see me clearly. It'll help out with the police sketch. Not bad, luv. Not bad at all.

-sigh- My lady friend, JD, is taking a sabbatical in Australia. Just an hour ago we were sitting down, saying our goodbyes.

B: "Daya mo. Kung kelan marami na ko work, dun ka magbabakasyon."

JD: "Eh di mag vacation ka rin. It's your company, right?"

B: "Partly mine. And not yet. I've got to earn it first."

JD: "Yan ka nanaman. Puro ka trabaho."

B: "Nahawa ako sayo eh."

She stuck her tongue out at me playfully. I caught it with my own. We drew into the kiss. A rare moment. In our little game, emotion is not used lightly.

We settled into the couch, just enjoying each other's company, when...

JD: "Come with me!"

B: "... What?"

JB: "Samahan mo ako sa Australia."

B: "... Seryoso ka?"

JB: "Dead serious."

B: "As what? Your man servant?"

JB: "Har har. As a friend of course."

B: "Minsan nabibitin pa pamasahe ko papunta rito. Eh Australia pa kaya? May kamahalan po ang plane ticket."

JB: "Benta mo liver mo."

B: "No thanks. I need that for drinking."

JB: "Puro ka inom! Basta kung kasama ka sagot kita."

B: "..."

JD: "Think about it. You've got 'til Sat."

- - - - -

Tae. Ilang beses na ba ako nalagay sa situation na ganito? May formula na nga eh.

Her: "I'm going somewhere far away. Wanna come?"

Me: "I'd love to, but I can't afford it."

Her: "Oh that's okay. I'll pay for all your expenses."

Makapal ang mukha ko. Pero di ganun kakapal. Haaaay. What to do...

Despedida nya ngayon. And I'm not invited.

Sabi niya, "You're not the bring home and meet the family type of guy."

Ouch.

Ah well. At least I'll have more time on the weekends. Catch up with reading all your blogs. Thanks to everyone still dropping by, despite my crap-ness. :D