So I waltz in to JRU (Jose Rizal College) in jeans and a white V-neck tee and I'm toting a bag filledwith pens, papers, extra shirts, a foldable umbrella and a bottle of water. By my experience college applications can take up a whole day.

Two and a half hours later I'm standing outside JRU with a my head spinning and a smile plastered on my face. Martin (who gave me the idea to enroll at JRU) was standing beside me with that same expression.

We're in.

It's nuts. Applying there was as easy as getting take out at McDonalds. My "interview" went a little something like this.

"So you're from Ateneo?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"What was your course?"

"BS Computer Science."

"What course will you be taking in JRU?"

"Nursing."

"Do you have all your requirements?"

"No."

"Will you be able to submit them within the month."

"Yes."

"Good. Just sign here and then proceed to the library for evaluation. Welcome to JRU."

So I shake her hand and pop out of the office trying to keep myself from laughing. Not laughter of ridicule, mind you. I was laughing because I was happy.

No questions about my past or personality. A mere glance at my sorry-ass grades. No "Got to building A and find Mr. X and have him sign this before you proceed to building C to find Ms. Y..." No worry. No fuss.

In fact, the only reason I was there for two hours is because of the evaluation. And also because Martin and I were cracking jokes the whole time along with Saldi, the guy who was processing our papers. We even invited him to go drinking with us after classes. How crazy is that?

So after applications Martin and I catch a taxi to my house and promptly finish off two bottles of Red Horse Grande each (a grande is a 1 liter bottle of beer for you non-drinkers). I got plastered but it did nothing to dent my mood.

I have a school. A school that accepted me unconditionally.

Happeeeeeee!!!

Now I go to sleep off the beer.

I'm sick.
It feels like a dream but I know I'm awake.
The pounding in my head can't be faked.
My eyes blink, one after the other.
The world is turning.
Slowly turning.
And I'm the axis.
My throat convulses.
Flesh meets battered flesh.
Pain.
Excrutiating pain.

Yet even this is not enough.
Nowhere near enough.
To clear my muddled mind.
Of things forbidden.
Of things I only dare to dream.

You.

Your scent.
Enticing.
Inviting.
Your warmth.
Burning.
Glowing tip of a cigarette.
Your skin.
Moist.
Soft.
Smooth.

You dance in circles.
Around and around.
Circling me.
Mere inches from my finger tips.

That look in your eyes.
Is it only for me?
Or am I simply dreaming.
Seeing what I want to see.

You're a drug.
An addiction.

And I don't want a cure.

Facepalm. I never knew there was a term for that action until I went to Unbeknownst's blog and read the "Troy in Fifteen Minutes" entry. I've been using the -facepalm- a lot recently. Both in the net and in the real world. Especially now while sifting through my email and the blogs of my friends. I want to read them. But it takes so much time...

Anyway, here's a narrative of a few stupid Bruce -facepalm- moments.

...

Lycos Inbox: "You have reached 98% of your mail capacity. You have 128 unread messages. 90% of them are spam."
Bruce: -facepalm-

...

Tabulas Friends: "Recent entries since last viewing span across fourteen pages."
Bruce: "Entries per page?"
Tabulas Friends: "Three."
Bruce: "Average entry length?"
Tabulas Friends: "Two hundred and fifty words."
Bruce: -facepalm-

...

Telephone: -rings-
Bruce: -sleeps-
Telephone: -rings-
Bruce: -sleeps-
Telephone: -rings-
Bruce: -blinks-
Telephone: -rings-
Bruce: -pretend sleeps-
Telephone: -rings-
Bruce: -opens eyes-
Telephone: -rings-
Bruce: -forces himself out of bed-
Telephone: -rings-
Bruce: -stumbles out of his room-
Telephone: -rings-
Bruce: -picks up the receiver- "Hello?"
Telephone: "Good afternoon. Fax-tone please"
Bruce: -face palm-
*(If i had let it ring a few more times it would've automatically received the fax)

...

Bruce: "Drinking session on Friday! I'm paying!"
Everyone: "Woohoo! Yeah!"
Bruce: -sudden thought, then glances at class schedule-
Class Schedule: "English, History and Algebra on Tuesday, Thursday and SATURDAY"
Bruce: -facepalm-

...

Bruce: -goes to bank to pay internet bill-
Teller: "May I have the billing statement and the payment slip?"
Bruce: -hands over statement and slip-
Teller: "Cash or check?"
Bruce: -checks pockets-
Money: "I'm at home!"
Bruce: -Takes back the bill, goes home, gets the money and returns to bank-
Teller: "Welcome back."
Bruce: "Thank you." -hands over the money-
Teller: "I receive one thousand four hundred ninety six pesos... Ummm... sir?"
Bruce: "Yes?"
Teller: "Could I have the billing statement again?"
Bruce: -checks pockets-
Bill: "I'm at home! You dropped me when you took the money!"
Bruce: -facepalm-
...

Okay that should be enough stupidity for today.

The voices of others tell me that there is a sickness on the wind.

Depression.

Cries for release.
Cries for sympathy.

I listen.

My mind swells, soaked with so much sadness of this world. And the irony is that these emotions are not even mine. Yet they chill me, still.

What inspires such words of sorrow?

Broken hearts?
Shattered dreams?
Severed ties?

Or is it simply the pall of gloom brought by the storm clouds strewn across the sky?

But take heart, my friends, for sadness cannot exist without joy. Joy is a gift rarely given, which makes it even more precious.

Fear not adversity. Embrace it, though it pierces your being. That which does not kill you can only make you stronger.

Hold your head high. Dare to defy. Live life to the fullest, 'til the day that you die.

---

Nicked from raven_luna. The quiz had no descriptions so I decided to make my own using the description of The Black Zodiac from Thir13en Ghosts as a reference.


The Juggernaut
You are fascinated by your own strength and endlessly seek to test and improve yourself. You are proud and haughty, choosing to act alone rather than with a group. Your belief that you are invincible is both your strength and weakness.


What Black Zodiac Sign are YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

Am made me play Gitaroo Man (PS2). D..damn. I was all set to leave by 7. Then I played a stage. Then the next one. Then the next one. Before I knew it it was 8:30 already.

And the 6th stage. Ack. So cutesy... It forced me to finish it a dozen times. The song was so stuck in my head that my brain made up lyrics for it.

Spent the evening with you.
By the ocean so blue.
Chased my sorrows away.
With the song that you play.

Darling you..
Light up my day.
Light up my night.
You change the way that I see my life.
You are the spark.
You are the heart that beats with mine.

And I swear to you I'll stay..
By..
Your..
Side.


Dang... So cheesy... And it doesn't even match the tune properly I should get to work on that. (Bruce goes off to play Gitaroo)

Aaah. I'm finally feeling 100%. Looks like my hour long run on Wednesday evening finally got my blood moving again. I was a fool to have avoided exercise for fear of a relapse in my fever. If I hadn't been so careful I wouldn't have spent the past week in a lethargy.

It's looking like a great day.

This morning I read through the 50+ chapters of Jojo's Bizarre Adventures that I've been downloading all week. It's an action fantasy manga that captured my attention way back when I was in high school. The art style is reminiscent of American Pulp comics (ex. Tales from the Crypt). I'm hoping that if I study Jojo's I'll be then able to grasp the intricacies of Bereserk's crosshatching.

Bought lunch at McDonalds since I'm so sick of eating rice. (consuming eight cups of cooked rice a day is no easy feat) It was the start of lunch hour so the cashier was getting flustered. She accidentally gave me a large fries instead of a regular. Lucky!

Fete de la Musique at Eastwood tomorrow! See Jill's blog for sched and map.

I've cut my smoking down to 4 sticks a day. Hopefully it'll stay that way so my lungs can regenerate a bit.

Late last night I was thinking about a conversation with Serena. I'd mentioned that of all the senses, touch was my favourite. It gave me an idea.

I turned off the light and began to feel around in the darkness. I moved slowly, savoring the feel of the random clutter that my searching hands found.

Cotton shirts.
Bedsheets.
Leatherette bean bag.
Marble floor.
Cement wall.
Wooden table.
Metal window frame.
Plastic bins.
Rubber slippers.

By the end of the hour my palms and finger tips were tingling from the sensations. They were also covered with a layer of dust.

So often, we take for granted the senses we were gifted with. Why not take a moment of your time to indulge yourself. It might just be the thing you need to ease your mind and free the stresses of your battered body.

Scientists say that humans use only 5%-15% of their mental capacity. So is it possible to use the brain to 100% of its capacity? It makes one wonder..

If I remember correctly, information is stored in our neurons as either electrical charges or chemical combinations (if anyone has any idea please feel free to comment as I can't seem to find my Biology book). The neurons are connected by mental pathways called synapses. Whenever you call upon the information in your neurons, a signal runs through your synapses and returns with the needed information.

Of course this system is not perfect. Retrieving information from your brain is like rummaging through a box of mixed objects. You usually reach in at random and hope you find the thing you're looking for.

But what if you could organize the thoughts in your head in the same way that you could sort items in a box. You could group related objects or thoughts together, making them easier to find. All the information in your head readily available, even more efficient than a computer.

But then there is another problem. Have you ever met a person who can tell you, off-hand, what the first word at the top of the fiftieth page of the last book they read? Or the number of people they've met? Or their first conscious thought as a human being?

It seems that we do not retain everything we experience. Events or information that are important to us, such as our names and birthdates, are deeply imbedded in our mind, while other things, such as the license plate of that car that just passed you, simply slip in and out of our conscious thought.

So if we were to use our minds to optimum efficiency, it would require us to develop both retention and retrieval of information. Now the next question is; "How?"

... I don't have an answer for that yet. But this topic interests me. I must find out more.

(..to be continued)

Ah. Aside from a few tentative ideas I'm finally done. Thanks to the wonders of CSS and the all-mighty DIV tag, I've eliminated all the annoying TABLE, TR and TD tags. Enjoy (or be disgusted by) the new Roachy lay out.

Things left to do (feel free to give tips)
- figure out why the right margin image (the tattered paper effect) doesn't always make it to the bottom of the page
- add an animated crawling roach somewhere
- fix the banner (it kinda looks plain to me)
- clean up the inline CSS tags
- update the friend's list
- get rid of the unneccessary horizontal scroll bars on entry and links
- check compatibility with IE

Throughout his life man must suffer through many things. Disease, war, poverty, and fatigue to name a few. But of all the hardships man must face, time is the greatest of them all. It is intangible, uncontrollable and unavoidable. You are caught in the flow of time; from the minute you were born 'til the day that you inevitably die.

Curse you time! How the hell am I supposed to read 50 pages of lectures and lessons in a span of only 2 hours?!?

---

Skipped sleeping today to catch up with my readings. Tanked up on coffee. Spent the first four hours studying. Spent the last four hours fixing my blog template. Now back to the books. Here's a list of words I looked up today while studying Hindu philosophy. It's really just for my own use but feel free to take a look. You might learn something new


All definitions taken from thefreedictionary.com

Studied all morning. 9am, I took a nap. Woke up at twelve. Took a bath and got ready to go out. Everything was going according to plan.

I go down to the basement. I get in my car and turn the ignition. The engine starts up and I'm ready to pull out of parking.

Foot on the clutch.
Shift to first gear.
Shift to first gear.
Shift to first gear.
... Why won't you shift to first gear?

My mom comes down and sees me.
"By the way, your father broke your car's clutch mechanism."

... Damn.

I was supposed to be in the mall. I was supposed to be hangin' with a friend. I would have had a new pair of shades. We'd be drinking coffee. Or eating an early dinner. Or both.

Instead, Lady Luck decides to give me a swift kick in the balls. Ooof.

After much discussion and debate, Dyan and I have determined that she has super powered pheromones! I mean, how else do you get modelling offers and ABS-CBN calling cards from complete strangers? Is it some uncanny charm? No! It's got to be an over abundance of bodily secretions!

But seriously, there has to be some truth about human pheromones. When I walk around the mall I find that some women, though plain-looking, have an inexplicable "something" that just captures my attention.

Is it in their clothes?
Their posture?
Their aura of self-confidence?
Or is it some chemical compound in the air, wafting through my nostrils and intoxicating my brain?

-sigh- Women.

Waiting for the time I've got to leave for school. Got this from Blackshirt

Along Wilson Avenue, the street that I walk to get to school, there's a nice stretch of road that smells like grass and morning dew. Whenever I pass by it I slow down a bit, just to breathe in the scent. It reminds me of my little vegetable garden in New Jersey, behind the house of my aunt and uncle, who we were living with at the time.

And then I find out that that same uncle is in the Emergency Room. I don't know the details except that he's in pain.

And that isn't even the beginning of it all.

Over a year ago, he fell off a ladder. He injured his spine and was paralyzed from the waist down.

Then several months ago, his daughter was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a type of cancer that infects the lymph nodes. She's only in her early 30's.

Oh, and another thing. His wife (my aunt of course) is a doctor. How's that for irony?

Sometimes I think that life is just a cruel joke. That freedom is simply an illusion and in the end we are all just slaves to fate. That no matter how hard we work to make a better life for ourselves, Lady Luck will always deal us a losing hand.

Times like this, I need a stiff drink and a soft bed

Hopefully my uncle and I well be alright by tonight. Myabe tomorrow I'll wake up with a smile and all will be right with the world...

Feeling better now. I'm not really one for moping around, and besides I had a good weekend.

Friday Highlights
- Logic prof invited me to join the Debate Society of JRU. I declined. Discovered that he's a Bedan. He offered to help me get into Beda... Bolt out of the blue.
- Commuted to Casa Domingo to meet up with ADMU and pisay peeps.
- Paul's birthday. Hababirdie!
- Mudslide, Bailey's and Tequila.
- Corned-beef with frozen green peas.
- Tuna with siling labuyo.
- Five minutes alternately gagging and gulping down water.
- Eumir and a Mexican nipple-twister.
- Jomar's "Yosi bong" (1.5 Liter Sprite bottle with two cigarettes mounted on the base)
- Yellow Pages.

Saturday to Sunday Highlights
- Algebra prof forgave my three cuts.
- English and History profs both no shows.
- SM North comedy: Jumbo Japs, The Black Shop, He-man briefs, plaid skirts, spandex, Jane Fonda, clip on braids, biker jackets, Bruce Ricketts, sunglasses and people who can't get into Bench because they're wearing Bench shirts.
- Half a dozen cats sitting around the driveway.
- Tito Casey's high school escapades.
- Bob the Ball
- Bob the Ball 2
- Dyan's Pisay friends.
- E-Telecare's false alarms.
- Japo's crappy parking skills.
- Hattori Hanzo as a driving instructor.

OH YES! DRINK AND DRIVE ULIT MGA KAIBIGAN!
ANG MASAYANG DRINKING FEST NG KAHIT SINO.

PUNTA KAYO SA JULY 3 SA LOYOLA HEIGHTS CONDOMINIUM SA KATIPUNAN. P120 ANG TICKET. 13 BANDS. DRINK ALL YOU CAN!!!!! AS IN DRINK ALL YOU CAN WHILE YOU CAN. HINDI MAUUBUSAN NG BEER!!

MAY MAS OK NA CONTESTS NA MAABUTAN NYO.....
MADAMING POGI AT MAGAGANDA.... PUNTA NA!!

BANDS:

SEVERO
MAYONNAISE
SULTANS OF
SNAP
EPHESUS
13 NEEDLES
MHS
SIQUE
EVEN ALL ODDS
TRIBO NI DULU
MONKEYSPANK
CRAB NEBULA
INKK
HOPSCOTCH

I'd just finished studying for Algebra and was basically just surfing, looking for something to do before I sleep.

Lyn found me a shirt..



..that suits me perfectly. The four images on the chest represent the four pillars of life: Alcohol, Women, the Hooka, and Gaming.

Then as I was browsing through Newgrounds and I noticed that little picture at the left advertising "5 New pics of the SbB Girls posted" normally i just ignore the thing but tonight I felt the urge to click it. And I did. Clicked around randomly before I saw these photos.





Compared to the top ranking sexy women, she's rather plain. She has freckles and wrinkles under her eyes. Her chin is squarish and her cheeks slightly sunken. Her figure is nothing special, built along the lines of Liv Tyler. Slight curves, wide hips and a tad skinny.

Don't give me no big busted, jutting butt, pornstar wannabe's. Away with the thin-as-a-Kenyan, ramp model figures.

I'm in love with the 'girl-next-door'

T-shirt is a product of Split Reason
Picture of Colene taken from Sports by Brooks

Know the glory, see the beauty
Hid within this tarnished city
Where disillusioned dreamers dwell
Broken from innocence's spell

A sore to see by light of day
The frayed and muddied robes of gray
The arms and legs, so deathly thin
The scars throughout her olive skin

But with the coming of the dusk
She sheds her filthy, outer husk
Her lips are full, her eyes are bright
She dances, wild, into the night

She plucks the stars out from the air
And pins them in her silver hair
That falls in tresses on her back
And frames her silken dress of black

Know the glory, see the beauty
Hid within this tarnished city
A peerless, unquenchable spark
That shineth brightest in the dark